Suicide                            

   “No!” I remember screaming.  
   A red mark across my cheek. My face began to flush.  
   “You’re a fucking disgrace to this family. You should have never been born,”
my father shouted with a scowl on his face.
   He quickly grabbed a bottle of whiskey and threw it towards me.  It missed
me by an inch.
   “Dad STOP!” I screeched.
   I remember he snatched my hair and yanked it so hard a couple of strands
of hair came out.  
   “What sin did I commit to end up with a daughter like you!” he murmured
through his teeth.
   He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and stumbled drunkenly up the stairs. He
slammed the door and I never saw him for the rest of the night.
   I remember swiftly running into my room. I swung the door open and flopped
onto my bed. There were puddles in my eyes, waterfalls began to pour down
my face. I remember it like it was yesterday. It cooled the red burn on my
cheek. I just cried with tears of sorrow, soaking my pillow until I fell asleep.
   I paused. I felt like I was reliving the terrible moment, like I couldn’t escape it.
I was speechless.

   “Shelia, are you okay?” questioned Ms. Norburry. She was the Guidance
counselor.
   “Yeah… Yeah I- I’m fine,” I stuttered.
   “Now your teachers and fellow classmates have said you haven’t been
doing your work lately or eating at lunch, that you don’t seem like yourself,”
she said.
   “I want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t let me,” she warned.  
   “I know this can be difficult, but you need to tell me everything that
happened,” she said.
   “Okay,” I replied softly.
   I closed my eyes again and I took a deep breath.
   *DING*
   Mom: Hi Shelia! I can’t wait to see u today!
   Shelia: Mom, come pick me up! ASAP!
   Mom: Why is everything alright?
   Shelia: No… Dad’s drinking again.
   Mom: WHAT?!?!? Did he touch you?
   Shelia: He slapped me.
   Mom: I’m coming over rn. Pack ur things and be ready to leave.
Shelia: Okay.
  I packed everything and I ran out of the front door. I saw my mom and I
rushed to her and embraced her tightly. A teardrop fell down my cheek.  She
squeezed me and caressed my cheek.
   “Everything is going to be alright,” my mom reassured me.
   Suddenly, I felt a warm peck on my forehead. My mother started the engine
and the car began to move. “So your parents are divorced?” asked Ms.
Norburry.
   “... Yes,” I replied with a heavy sigh.
   She quickly jotted down something in her notes.
   “You can continue,” she said.
   “Okay,” I replied.
   We were in the car and I was listening to music.  That’s when I noticed my
mother staring at me.
   At the red light, I finally asked; “Why do you make me stay with him, mom?”  
   “You know I don’t have full custody over you yet, right?” she replied.
   I got quiet for a minute.
    “Yeah,” I replied.
   The rest of the drive, all I could hear were the crickets. The car screeched
to a stop and I marched straight into my room and my eyes began to oveflow.   
“     How did you feel?” asked Ms. Norburry.
   “I felt worthless,” I said.
    “Continue...” she replied.
   My mom called me out to eat dinner. As fast as I could I put a fake smile on
my face, wiped my tears and headed over to the dining room.
   “Hey hun,” my mom greeted me warmly.
   “Hi, mom!” I replied.
   “So, how was your day?“ she asked me.
   “It was fine...” I replied gravely.
   “Listen I was thinking about getting you someone to talk to” my mom finally
admitted.
  “What do you mean? Like a therapist?” I questioned.
   “Yes. I was even thinking about your guidance counselor,” she answered.
   “Why?” I asked irritated.
    “It’ll be good for you to find someone to talk to,” she responded.
   “What makes you think that’s going to help at all?” I asked my voice getting
a bit louder.
   “That’s enough! Either you take the help I’m offering or you keep suffering!”
warned my mom.
   “Fine,” I replied in defeat.
   Well, you’re very brave for doing that. It shows that you want to be helped,”
said Ms. Norburry with a smile on her face.
   “So how long has your dad been harming you?” she asked. “Do you know
why?
   “About eight years ago, that’s when he began to beat me because he had
just lost his job. Every time he tried to apply to other jobs they wouldn’t hire
him and he became deeply frustrated that he couldn’t provide for his family
anymore. So he began to drink. He really was a great dad until then and I miss
him,” I replied grimly.
   I could see a surprised expression appear on Ms. Norburry’s face. She took
a deep breath and began to flick her pencil uncontrollably.
   “Okay, I have to report this to the police,” she said in a serious voice.
   Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach. What have I done I thought. A huge
feeling of guilt surrounded me.
   “No! You can’t do that. He’s my dad. You can’t arrest him,” I pleaded.
   “I’m sorry but I have to,” she said.
   “No! Get him some help or something. But please don’t arrest him!” I
begged.
   “I have to according to the law. I’ll be right back,” she said as she left the
room.
   What kind of a daughter am I?  I’m horrible. I’m a disgrace just like dad said.
I shouldn’t be here I thought. I felt my throat clog up. Tears started streaming
down my face. A deep feeling of darkness began to eat my insides up.
   I can’t do this I thought.   
   I jerked up from my seat and dashed out of Ms. Norburrry’s office. My lungs
felt like they had just collapsed into my stomach. As I tried leaving the room I
ran into Ms. Norburry.
   “Where are you going?” Ms. Norburry asked.
   “I’m just going to quickly use the bathroom,” I lied.
   “Meet me back in my office once you’re done,” she instructed.
   But I wasn’t coming back. I would never step into that school ever again. I
made my way to the entrance of the school and dashed out.
   As soon as I reached my front door, I raced inside and I went to the kitchen
and grabbed a knife. I hurried to the bathroom and quickly locked the door.
   As I glanced at the mirror so many thoughts ran through my head. I’m a
failure. I don’t deserve to live here. My family deserves so much better. I’m a
piece of trash. I deep feeling of regret for ratting out my father haunted me.
I curled up by the bathtub and began to sob. My eyes burned. I didn’t want to
feel anything anymore. Not physically, mentally or emotionally. I was drained.
What’s the point of living if you can’t feel anything at all I wondered, as I placed
the knife directly at my chest.
   A deep wincing pain filled my upper body.  Then everything stopped. My
wish had come true.

~end~
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